The Songs From My Soul
I've started this post seven times, with seven themes, over the course of three hours. This time I'm staying committed. I'm gonna dig deep, as my boy Shaun T yells to me through the computer screen every morning, and stay the course and see where it takes us.
Just now I came upon the sweetest, smallest, greenest frog perched on the front of the shoe rack in the hallway. He looked frightened; or was that I? Happy to see a sweet animal in the house, I'm not brave enough yet to do a frog rescue. My badge only goes up to Slug Level. Eve came out of her room to save the day as she's prone, and, like the champ she is, gently scooped the frog into her hand, and after several frog escapes and recaptures, led our new friend to a less sheltered, more frog-friendly environment in front of the house.
I'd never come upon a frog inside. It felt significant, I immediately googled "symbolism of seeing frog." The first sentence I read was, "When Frog appears it's time to sing your soul song!" I don't know if there are more beautiful words I could read. It's interesting that words I read on a website about the symbolism of seeing a frog and what it means can affect me so. Less than two hours prior I was taking an evening outside shower, staring at a star, making a wish that turned into a song. The song was, "I want to fill the world with love with song, I want to fill the world with love. I want to fill the world with love with love, I want to fill the world with love." My soul song is the song from my soul. Rather, the songs from my soul. Every day I hear knew songs deep inside me, I listen to them now. I acknowledge them and give them breath. I think that's why they keep coming. When I hear them, I sing until my voice matches what's inside. The songs are mostly affirmations. The day is filled with me singing these affirmations to myself.
On my way back to this post, after the frog, a cockroach came across my path. We're in Charleston, yes, but, still, I had to look it up: "Symbolism of seeing cockroaches." Cockroaches are indestructible; cockroaches represent Yin/Yang; associated with the Throat Chakra (Fifth Chakra); represent authenticity.
That I can read these (positive) words and feel they could be talking to me shows me the leaps and bounds I have made in my self-worth. That's what I care about when I look at these.
I especially care right now, because since finishing MUSC's ReVisions Out-Patient Group-Therapy Mental Health Program I attended for a few weeks, I have found myself slipping back into old thought-patterns. Choosing to be a victim. Being passive-aggressive. Coming undone. But as when you have a cheat food on your diet and it doesn't mean you must spiral out of control, I can stop. Refocus. Get centered. And start again. My name is Samantha. I am an indestructible frog cockroach fairy, and I am here to sing you the songs from my soul.
Love always,
Samantha
